Y'know, it feels pretty good to break into this whole semi-pro gig. ("Pro" in that people are paying me to make with the fictional writings, "semi" in that such largesse isn't yet enough to live on.) But one of the things that continues to bum me out is that I am
so
damn.
slow.
Like really. An amazing pace for me is writing 300 words an hour. If I have to stop and look things up or hit a hard part, that number goes way down. It is hard to feel good about that when your Twitter feed is full of people belting out 800 or 1000 words in an hour and then skipping off to bake cookies.
So you start trying to justify it to yourself. Well, I'm slow because I'm actually writing WELL, you see. This is what it takes to get that masterpiece-osity that I got complimented on that one time. It's a tortoise-and-hare scenario. Slow and steady wins the publishing contract.
But then you think about all the years you spent being the slowest one in gym class, too, and how you weren't actually running "better" or "deeper" than anyone else - you were just miserably crap at running. And how a lot of the people who can write like gangbusters are actually turning out really excellent work. And how the tortoise is completely screwed if the hare doesn't slack off.
So if speed has no reliable correlation to quality, then you either have to figure out how to pick up the pace somehow, or else accept that you just have a really god-awful slow mental metabolism, and will have to work twice as hard as the average person to get the same results. Not an enticing prospect if you're as insecure and lazy as I am.
You know what's really cheered me up, though?
Ponies.
Specifically, these ponies:
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| from mlp.wikia.com |
See, in the hallowed canon of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic don't you judge me, I swear to God, these guys are the Flim-Flam brothers. They show up in an episode called "The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000." Spoilers here follow.
Anyway, so these guys ride into town on the aforementioned Squeezy - a huge rolling contraption that automatically turns apples into tasty cider. This does not bode well for the Apple family, whose homemade cider business is far too slow to keep up with local demand.
(You know you're in trouble when the Monsanto reps have their own catchy theme song.)
Things proceed as you might expect: a winner-take-all contest is set up, pitting the Flim-Flam brothers' super-modern machinery against the good old-fashioned methods of the Sweet Apple Acres team. And of course, it's a kid's cartoon, so it follows a somewhat familiar plotline: the brothers actually win the contest, but the slop their machine turns out is so vile that they're run out of town on a rail, and goodness and decency and hat-waving old-timeyness carry the day.
Here's what I like about it, though: the machine is superior in every measurable way. It's not only enormously faster than old-fashioned horsepower, but also has a perfect quality-control sensor that weeds out rotten apples. The Flim-Flam brothers lose not because their method is inferior, but because they turn off the quality control mechanism, turning rotten apples and garbage into cider in a last-ditch effort to produce more raw product and win the contest.
By now you see where I'm going with this. At the end of the day, it's not about slow versus fast, or old versus new. It's about whose integrity will buckle when the going gets rough, and whose won't.
And I can still win on that front.
So hopefully I can get back to regular blogging again in real short order (there is so much cool new stuff I am DYING to show you, believe me!) But if I don't, it's because I'm still sorting the apples and turning the crank - hopefully with tasty-delicious results!
I have learned the meaning of self-loathing, and it is writing a sentence that you know is sloppy and starting another sentence.
I know the feeling! Sometimes I spend all day just looking at what I wrote like a whole week ago. This form of procrastination is usually filed under "The Pretence of Editing". Once I have to settle down and start actually writing...well! Obviously I can't write now because I'm SOOO tired from all the editing I've just done. So yeah, tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThe sad thing is I'm totally aware of this not-so-productive way of doing things yet seem - most of the time - almost helpless in stopping it from happening.
That's the worst part, isn't it? KNOWING you are sitting there, actively screwing up, and yet doing it anyway! (I tell you what: if I'd known when I was a kid that I'd basically stay an 8-year-old in an adult suit, I'd have really rethought the whole growing-up thing.)
DeleteHang in there, dudette - I am right there screwing up with you!
Yep. Integrity wins on all fronts. Keep sorting those apples. And if you are slow, you are slow. You do have a gift with words so the rest of us just have to be patient.
ReplyDeleteI know, I know! Why did you have to instill all these good values, mom?! It'd be so much easier to slack off and screw up if I didn't keep tripping over them!
DeleteWhat a great post, Tex - I'm so with you on keep one's integrity intact - you know when it's gone that's it - no getting it back! So stick to your slow and steady method, turning that crank and using only the best apples… it'll be worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the quality work! Cheers, Jenny
Aw, thanks, Jenny - if you can do it with everything you got going on, I KNOW I gotta uphold the standard!
DeleteAwesome post! I've been working on the same book for 4 years now. But then I have to remind myself that I've done massive revisions 3x to get the story right. And most people are terrified to do that. And the feedback I get only confirms this is the correct path for me. We should start a slow writers club HA
ReplyDeleteAmen! Like the slow food movement, but with triple-digit word counts instead of organic kale chips! Keep at it, girlfriend - it's still worth it, just to have something you can be proud of.
DeleteI like the way you think! Some days, I only get 300 new words down on the page. On other day, Niagara Falls. But I spent A LOT of time honing those words, polishing, revisiting, rearranging. I want the words to have integrity. (Which is why -- and I hope I don't offend anyone -- I never do NaNoWriMo. I do not want to pump out 50k words in 30 days if those words have no value.)
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on that one! I think NaNo can be great for people who really have a job to do in proving themselves that they CAN write a whole entire something - meet a deadline - stick to a schedule. Once you've got that part down, I think it's better to modify the hot-dog-eating-contest method to something more reasonable.
DeleteTex, I too, am a super slow writer. I'm made peace with that, and if I write a page or two a day (or even less), I don't beat myself up. Some people are fast drafters and some people are not. It's what works for you that matters.
ReplyDeleteHaha, well, I'll admit it's hard to feel zen about it at the moment (I need it to work for me by my deadline!) But I tell you what: if going slow gets results as good as yours (and Rosemary's, for that matter), I will officially apply to become a proud acolyte of Team Slow. Tortoises unite!
DeleteYou, at no point, asked for my humble opinion... But I must offer it nonetheless. And I wouldn't offer this opinion if I hadn't tested it and found it to be true.
ReplyDeleteDon't to compare yourself to others, regarding writing speed or anything. You're you. Only you can write your books. No one else can, no matter how fast they write. Two of my favorite authors (Martin and Rothfus) take... freaking... years... to write a book.
Hey, what kind of friends would we be if we weren't up for a sharp reality-check? You are quite right, and your point is well-taken!
DeleteI suppose the temptation comes from that fear of failure, really. Like "okay, this is my chance - this is my shot - I can't blow it - let me see what the successful people are doing and make sure I do that too."
It's just that, as you've said, the successful people are not all doing any one thing... except writing stuff that a lot of people want to read. At the end of the day, I guess that's the only constant worth worrying about!