One Night in Sixes - The Annotated Edition!

Yes, today is Friday. And that deserves a shout-out. But I'm celebrating extra hard today, because it's ALSO the two-year anniversary of One Night in Sixes' release. I could write a whole post about what I've learned in that time - and maybe I will!

But again: today is Friday. A day for classroom cupcakes, cutting out of work early, and staying up late. So let me pile on to your already-awesome weekend plans with a special goodie. Today, I'm giving away...

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Yep - you read that right. This here is the real deal - a copy of the book hand-annotated by yours truly, with notes and Easter Eggs and translations galore. Here's a few spoiler-free sneak previews:

Are you excited? I'm excited. My good friend Jodi Thompson even helped me set this up so that there's multiple ways to enter - and the biggest fans have the best odds. Go, click, enter - you have one magical week to maximize your fanhood before we pick a winner!



The eyes of the a'Krah lit up at the mention of horses. Vuchak tried to hide it, nodding in reserved contemplation, but Weisei clapped his hands to his knees in thunderstruck enthusiasm.

"Afvik," he said with a tipsy bright smile, "do you like to play games?"

Slush, Bang, Boom!

This is me, not writing a blog post.

This is me, not writing a blog post, because I have a million other things to do.

This is me, not writing a blog post, because I completely 100% do not have an hour to spend meticulously word-crafting a digital Fabergé egg.

Dammit, I just stopped to look up where the accent goes in 'Fabergé'. I guess I'm committed now.

But briefly, friends, briefly!

1. Write Club - Secrets of the Slush Pile

Write Club kicks off today, and my rakish colleague Dan Koboldt and I could not be more excited! How excited, you ask?  So excited that we did a postmortem slush-report together!  Think of us as your friendly local Macy's Day Parade reporters, if the giant Pikachu balloon and the Hamburger Helper float were going to duke it out right there in the middle of Fifth Avenue... cuz that's exactly what's happening!

Anyway, do get your seat and popcorn ready for the contest - and if you're a writer who wants to know what makes a submission stand out, check out the trend breakdown of our epic 85,000-word slush-fight.

Oh lord, that took way too long.  I actually Googled the Macy's Day parade float entries. Faster, friends, faster!

2. Shirtless, Peerless, Fearless RT

I went to the RT Booklover's Convention this weekend!  (In much the same manner as pigeons go to the zoo: neither a paying guest nor a featured attraction, but present nonetheless.)  And oh my cheese, y'all.  What a place. What a time! 

Y'know, in my sci-fi/fantasy circles, romance doesn't get much respect. Well, I tell you what: you can gawp and sneer all you want, but these are some of the most friendly fans, the most professional pros, and the most devastatingly organized convention I've been to.  Forget all the comic-movie-actor-media-celebrity stuff we're used to seeing at our high-dollar cons: this place had lines out the door and down the hallway- for BOOKS!  People were patiently waiting for hours - for AUTHORS!  Everyone was nicely dressed and pleasant-smelling - because they took SHOWERS!

Ugh, and *I* should have showered half an hour ago. Hurry with me to the end!

3. Tex's Two-Step

Okay, and speaking of comic-movie-actor-media-celebrity cons, I am getting on a plane tomorrow, preparing to attempt my most ludicrous feat yet. Are you ready? Are you sure?  Here it is:

Two cons. Two time zones. One weekend.

Yes!  I will be at BayCon in sunny San Jose this Friday and Saturday, and then jetting to Houston for Comicpalooza on Sunday and Monday.  It will be EPIC.

"Tex, you mad fool!" I hear you say. "You'll never make it!"

Maybe not, hypothetical companion-friend, but I have to try!

And now I really do have to stop typing into this box and start packing my Stetson.  Find me this weekend, and if I don't make it back, tell my cat that I love her!

P.S.: Ally, if you're reading this, this totally does not count towards my New-and-Improved Blogging Lifestyle. Love me. Forgive me. Call me.


Don't they look lovely, June?
Fabulous, Harry - I love the feathers.

Con or Bust - Calling at Morganville, the Discworld, and Sixes

Well, at this point it's no big secret: I really, really, really like going to conventions.

And why wouldn't I?  I learned how to be an author at a con.

For my first-ever reading, it went pretty well!

And also how to be a fan.

My endgame cosplay scenario: Pam Poovey with a portal gun.

I've met amazing new friends at cons.

This is my legendary 16-bit buddy and pixie-lated musical genius, Lauren the Flute. 
Under Merriam-Webster's revised definition of the word "literally", she is literally a flute.

 And had once-in-a-lifetime experiences with old ones.

WorldCon 2013, DFW Writers Workshop contingent.
My first and sadly only time getting to hang out with Paul LaMarr.
As usual, Gabe stole the show.

Going to cons has become the absolute highlight of my probably-shouldn't-call-it-a-career-yet.  I seriously live for the weekends when work and writing and wifing all get kicked to the curb while Cinderella goes to the ball.

So naturally, I want other people to get to enjoy this weird, wild, nothing-else-like-it phenomenal good time that we call fan conventions.  I want a world where everyone has the opportunity to have a Disneyland-Hogwarts-Woodstock-carnival-prom experience of their very own.

We don't live in that world yet - but we are incredibly fortunate to have Con or Bust, a non-profit initiative that provides funding for fans of color attend conventions.  That means a great time for them, bigger and more inclusive events for con-goers in general, and ultimately a richer, stronger, greater community for everyone. 

"SWEET," I hear you say.  "How does it work?"

Well, Con or Bust raises money by accepting donated items - books, crafts, services, you name it - and auctioning them off.  This year, I am pleased as passionfruit punch to have goodies of my own to donate - and stoked as strawberry sangria to have a partner in crime.  Rachel Caine, New York Times bestselling author of the Morganville Vampires series and all-around phenomenal human being (seriously, guys, you are NOT prepared), has generously contributed a collection of rare, limited-edition books and merchandise to help further the cause - and all of it is going to the highest bidder!




Here's what we have (click each title link to go to its auction page):

The Morganville Vampires Superfan Swag Bag

Everything but a vampire's kitchen sink! (Cat not included.) You get:

• an autographed copy of The Morganville Vampires, Volume 1
• a pair of vampire bunny slippers (a.k.a. the “Rabbit With Big Pointy Teeth” slippers)
• the Morganville: The Series paper doll book
• “Common Grounds” coffee mug
• lenticular double-wide Fall of Night bookmark
• Morganville: The Series souvenir postcard
• set of six Morganville temporary tattoos (all different designs)
• Morganville Resident Identification Card
• green rubber Morganville wrist band

Prince of Shadows Special Gift Set 

Buddy, this ain't your granddad's Romeo and Juliet. This is dark, thrilling, historical YA at its murder-in-the-alleys finest. You get:

• a hardback copy of Prince of Shadows, signed by the author
• a decorative hard-backed journal, with lined pages and a magnet flap
• black and gold novelty book box with red faux-velvet interior (inside storage dimensions 11.5″ x 7″ x 2.25″)
• blue ballpoint quill pen
• 6″ heavyweight ‘rapier’ letter opener

One Night in Sixes - Rare Annotated Misprint Edition

This isn't just one of the rare first-edition British copies that got pulped and reissued when we (by which I mean my super-diligent Uncle Sandy) discovered a missing page.  This is a rare first-edition British copy that I've lovingly annotated with never-revealed series secrets, research notes, character trivia, and lore galore. It's cowboys-and-fishmen fantasy like you've never seen it before - with DVD director's commentary!

Manuscript Critique - Up to 10,000 Words

Want some help with your own magnum opus?  I'll critique up to 10,000 words of your original fiction, with your choice of either content, line, or copy-editing (see auction page for details).  Come, ambitious writers of the world - marinate your masterpiece in my delectable brain-juices!



And last but not least, in tribute to the late, great Terry Pratchett:

2015 "We R Igors" Discworld Diary

This is a new copy of the 2015 “We R Igors” Discworld Diary. It's a wonderfully designed hardcover book, featuring day-planner-style blank calendar pages alongside excellent illustrations and fun “flavor text” entries revealing the inner lives of the Igors – a true collector’s item.


Can you beat that?  At the risk of sounding competitive, I would submit that you cannot.  And you know what they say: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em before the auction ends on Sunday, May 3rd. Now go, gentle reader - visit the auctions, learn how to place your bids, and help make the world a better place for fandom!

The #OneNightIn Sixes Hashtag Shenanigans Sweepstakes

All right, y'all: as of this very minute, I am officially a Published Author.  The book's out.  The guest posts are (mostly) in.  And that means it's time to celebrate!  Grab your Solo cup and 140 of your favorite characters, cuz we're fixing to have us a Twitter party.

The One Night in Sixes Hashtag Shenanigans Sweepstakes

The book, of course, is about a couple of clueless cowboys who go to a weird little border town called Sixes, and end up in a whole heap of trouble. We've all been there.  A crazy night at the bar, missing the last train home, waking up in Vegas to find a tiger in your bathroom - it happens!

So from today (book release day!) until Saturday (launch party - you ARE going, aren't you?), you can enter to win a $50 gift card to Barnes & Noble or Amazon (your choice) - just by sharing your wildest "one night in" stories.  Like this:

#onenightin Fort Worth, we partied so hard that I slept in my car, then got changed in a QuikTrip bathroom before work the next morning.

#onenightin EverQuest, I stayed up literally all night trying retrieve my corpse.  Freaking Dalnir.

#onenightin Minneapolis, I ate double-fried chicken so good, my arteries actually *crystallized*.

You see the pattern?  These can be literal or figurative, real-world places or not.  The only rules are:

1.  You must use the "#onenightin" Twitter hashtag for your entry to be valid.

2.  You can write as many as you want, but only your first three entries will be eligible for the contest.

3.  The deadline is midnight CST on Saturday, August 2nd.

4.  The winner will be randomly chosen from all valid entries, and announced on Sunday, August 3rd.  The winner will have one week to claim the prize (I'll need your email address to coordinate the logistics.)  If the winner doesn't respond, I'll do a second random drawing and choose a new winner.

5.  This contest is open to players 18 and older, in any country where it's legal. 

So go!  Do it!  Have wild life-changing experiences, and then tweet about them - because if there's one singularly appropriate way to celebrate this book, it's by chronicling some catastrophically memorable moments...!

#onenightin Sixes makes the hard man humble...

Do You #SFFpit?

Yeah, that's right.  I took a hashtag and used it as a verb.  And I'm not even sorry.  SHOTS FIRED.  Come at me, world.

"#SFFwhat?  What are you even talking about?"

Why, I'm so glad you asked!   #SFFpit is a new Twitter pitch contest, the feverish brainchild of my good buddy and fellow Red-Sofist Dan Koboldt. 

"Another one?"

YES, dammit, another one!  Because this one is specifically for sci-fi and fantasy for every age, from picture books through adult works.  Just think about all those adorable picture books with pettable touch-n-learn hobbit feet, and colorful finger-socks you can wiggle to make the alien burst out of John Hurt's stomach.

"But I have profound moral objections to Twitter pitching!  Why should I try to cram the essence of my novel onto a virtual post-it note designed for people with the attention span of a sperm?"

I don't know, hypothetical objector!  But stow your Hatorade and think of it this way: the more avenues we open for people to make a great first impression with agents (query letters, conference meetings, Twitter pitches, whatever), the more opportunities you have to find a format that lets you shine.  And that's good for everyone.

"If you say so.  When is it, anyway?  Asking for a friend."

Tell them it's June 11th, from 8 AM to 8 PM CST.  And then tell them to get over to Dan's #SFFpit homepage to get all the rest of the sweet deets!

Seriously, do it before Gandalf wastes Coruscant.

Also: big apology who's everybody who's waiting to hear back from me.  I owe emails like Bunny Lebowski owes money (which is to say, all over town.)  And I keep thinking, "oh, I just haven't had time," but the truth is that I have - I've just been spending it on other things.  Workshop Wednesdays and IHOP carouses and lunch dates and dinner flings and hours-long chats with some of the most fabulous people in the world.

Which should not imply that the aforesaid people are any more fabulous than the ones whose loving missives have lingered in my inbox... only that after spending months sitting by myself chained to a computer, the feeling of being finally let off the leash has been, shall we say, overwhelming.  I really appreciate y'all's patience while I've been out chasing squirrels and catching frisbees, and will do my very best not to need too much more of it!


If you lose your cow you should report this to the Watch under the Domestic & Farmyard Animals (Lost) Act of 1809. They will swing into action with keenness and speed. Your cow will be found. If it has been impersonating other animals, it may be arrested. If you are a stupid person, do not look for your cow yourself. Never try to milk a chicken; it hardly ever works.

Winning Tips for Winning Write Club

Sick of hearing me talk about Write Club yet?  Too dang bad!

As I have said before, this contest was terrific fun for me last year, not to mention a HUGE eye-opener.  But if you're reading this, you probably don't need any more convincing.  If you're thinking of entering this year (or already committed to it!), here are my humble suggestions for giving yourself the best possible chance at pink-soap glory.


1.  Study the competition.  This is almost a no-brainer, right?  Who would submit a short story to a magazine without looking to see what they like to publish, or query an agent without checking out their current client list?  And here's how you can bone up on Write Club.

First, go to the Write Club 2013 master-list, which has links to all the entries from last year (not to mention the greatest number of voters who'll be returning this year).  From there, you can read in whatever fashion pleases you - but here are a couple of ideas.

METHOD 1:
--Make a note of the names of contestants who made it to the last few rounds
--Go back and look at how they did in their initial rounds, paying close attention to the comments.

METHOD 2:
--Open up each successive round in a new browser tab, and scan to find entries from your preferred genre.  (You should be able to do a Ctrl-F for the word "genre" and see them right away)
--Read the entry first, and then its competitor.  Do you feel it's a strong example of your genre?  Why or why not?  Get your own opinion, and then check out the comments.

REGARDLESS:  Study up on those comments!  Was it a close call, or a slam dunk?  Do you agree with the majority vote?  Were there any especially strong trends among the voters (a number of people commenting on the same issues, positive or negatively)?  Notice the enormous variety in the style and quality of the critiques: you aren't going to please everyone, but you can learn a tremendous amount from reading critiques of other people's work - before you even enter!

2.  Think about what other entries in your genre are likely to do, and how you will stand out from them.

This is good advice for submissions of ANY kind.  What are the Golden Tropes of your genre - the things agents and editors have seen a million times already?  More importantly, what are you doing in your 500 words to set yourself apart from your closest competitors?  With that said, though -

3.  Write for more than just 'shock value'.

- don't rely on explosions and murders and CGI special effects to carry your entry.  Those things can be enormously effective, of course, but they are used VERY frequently, as we've all been trained to grab the reader by the throat on the first page OR ELSE.  Remember, anyone can write "and then a dead body dropped out of the ceiling" - but making somebody care about a character in 500 words or less takes serious skill.

4.  Start from the beginning.

At least for the first round.  Write Club is the PERFECT place to test out that all-important first page: you've got literally dozens of fresh readers, none of whom know a thing about your story.  Your goal is to make them want to read more, not wonder what they've already missed out on. (Fun fact: I used first pages from three different projects, while Philangelus used three different portions of the same story - and we both made it to the final round.)

5.  Find a friend and polish, polish, polish!

First, because this contest is going to be a MILLION times more fun if you have a buddy you can angst and gossip with, high-school-style.  ("Oh my God, first person present tense?  Who does she think she is?")  And secondly, getting multiple sets of eyeballs on your entry BEFORE you hand it in gives you the best possible chance of making a great impression in the contest itself.  I read each of my entries aloud for my DFWWW posse beforehand - and I hardly have to tell you that those guys are the leanest, meanest, most vigorous literary rock-tumbler around. Rocks go in; diamonds shinier rocks come out!

"But Tex!" I hear you cry.  "I already turned in my entry!"

"Never fear, good citizen!" I will reply.  "DL is accepting re-submissions until the contest deadline on the 31st.  If you want him to delete your first entry, ask him nicely when you email him your revised version, and he will make it so.  Now go - seek out others of your kind at #writeclub2014, and spread the good word far and wide: Write Club cometh!"


Yes, these are bruises from fighting. Yes, I'm comfortable with that. I am enlightened.

A Writer of the Imminent Future

"Self," I said, "we really need to get a new blog post up.  The Prius thing is making us look like even more of a self-perpetuating stereotype than we actually are."

"I know, self," I said, "but if we don't knock out at least 1,500 words today, we're going to be in the Sad Zone again, and nobody wants that."

Then the phone rang: a very nice person was calling to tell me that my short story, "Hell Bent", had taken an Honorable Mention in the Writers of the Future Contest. 

That in itself is not a world-changing event.  No cash, no Corvette, no tropical weekend getaway with Vanna White.  (Though I absolutely recommend the contest to any of you speculative fictioneers out there - it's fun and free, not to mention potentially lucrative, and has minted more titans of SFF than you can shake a Klingon painstick at.)

But damn, I am pleased. 

One of the things that really eats my self-esteem is that I write SO. DANG. SLOW.  Like really, unconscionably, Sarlacc-digestion-speed slow.  (That 1,500 words thing has been taking me five or six hours a day, and I'm still failing regularly.)  There are so many people at my kickin' awesome workshop who just knock stuff OUT - who have a new chapter to read every Wednesday without fail, who are constantly submitting this here and that there, while also revising three more stories at the same time and probably flipping omelettes while they type.  I even know a guy who's writing a short story a week.  Every week.  For a year.  And yet he somehow still has time to go out to the bar, and I KNOW that cuz I saw him there last week!

I know I need to pick up the pace.  I'm sure I'll get faster if I keep at it.  But in the meantime, it is awfully encouraging to know that this little thing - my one and only short story, the one I spent 100+ hours researching and revising and workshopping and polishing - actually got somewhere on the very first try.

Needless to say, thanks hugely to all of you guys who helped to sand down the edges.  I think I'll try to send the little darling somewhere else, see if it can't win a place in a magazine somewhere.

In the meantime, and just in case you're interested, the opening scene is below the cut.  (Write Clubbers, this will not be new to you, though I owe you immensely for your critique!)

Five Delightful Things

Just what it says on the tin: this list is both self- and writing-centered, and contains up to 78% unrefined enthusiasm byproducts by weight. 

1.  I took my first-ever advance check to the bank this week.  Dollars are happy things!  But I gotta tell you, "I Are Real Writer" vibes are far, far happier.  And the money, in turn, led to

2.  Me posting an ad for an honest-to-God for-real conlanger (that's short for "constructed-language-er", I believe) to create honest-to-God for-real languages for my books - and getting whomped by interested applicants.  I am so, so stoked to finally be doing this.  It's so fun and expensive and makes me feel like a million bucks.  Is this what it's like to get a makeover? 

Speaking of which, mad props to the Language Creation Society and David Peterson in particular, who's taken so much time out of his busy schedule as the reigning Supreme Conlang Overlord to help make my want-ad more than a series of ignorant grunts and squeals.  (Writer-peeps, holler at me if you think you might be in the market for conlang services - I've now got more fantastic contacts than I know what to do with!) 

Yes, I'm breaking the first rule of Fight Club.
I am okay with that.

3.   Write Club 2013 will crown its champion tomorrow, which is going to be great no matter what.  I've already said plenty about why I love this contest, so I'll just add this: I have had more fun over the past four months, met more awesomesweet writers (and CRITIQUERS, good gravy!), and actually-literally-for-real upped my game because of this humble little game - it's unreal.  The book that comes out next year is going to be better because I got to do this.   And I want so badly to bring this action over to DFWcon somehow.  (Check out my latest post, by the way, if you're find yourself flagging: Five Secret Advantages of the Unpublished Writer.)

Look at this cover, you guys.LOOK AT IT.

4.  There are only two weeks left until The Golden City comes out and I get to read it!  Not gonna lie, y'all - I will probably go whole-hog navelgazing bananas about this book in pretty short order.  I am SO EXCITED to see another astonishingly underused historical setting brought to the fantasy aisle, and treated like more than a convenient slapdash shellacking for the plot.  (I've also had the privilege of swapping fishman-fistbumps with the author, and the fact that she's kind of excruciatingly rad doesn't hurt either.)

5.  As God is my witness, I am WRITING AGAIN!  Take that, responsibilities!  The fig of Spain for thee, sleep schedule!  Lick my lemons, adulthood - I'm base-jumping to Narnia and you can't stop me!


You need to have things trying to stop you so that you can get a better sense of how fast you are going as you smash through them.

I Am Jack's Precocious Writing Contest

Last year, I entered the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award.  Needless to say, I didn't win.

Today, I entered Write Club.  It's kind of like March Madness for all of us prose-addled keyboard-lickers out there:  your anonymous 500-word writing sample squares off against someone else's, and the winner of that goes to the next round, and so on.

I'm keeping my hopes modest, but as with ABNA, what I like about these kinds of contests is that they let you run in a crowd.  You know, normally the submissions game is you putting your best-ever in an envelope, dropping it in a black hole, and waiting to hear whether you made the grade.  Yes or no.  Black or white.  You vs. an indifferent universe.

Contests like these, though - the ones that run in stages, and show the results for each -  let you see how you stack up against the competition.  And as with an actual 5k, not everyone there is going for the gold: you might just be out to prove to yourself that you can run the race, or want to see if you can finish in the first 50%, or 20%, or whatever.  Because when you think about it, "better than 17 out of 31 other entries" is a hell of a lot more useful feedback than "no."  As often as we hear "no" (or more often, nothing at all), it's good to take a benchmark measurement every now and again, and see where you settle in the pack.

So if you're feeling brave, kick off your shoes, climb in the ring, and see how many uppercuts your literary genius can take.  (But do not tarry, fellow fictioneers, for the deadline is today - June 30th - at midnight!)

Failing that, stick around here awhile - GrammatiCats returns on the Fourth of July!

How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?